Birthday greens

His mummy asked, "My darling Jake,
It's your birthday dear, what shall I make?"
Poor Jake scratched his head
And then gloomily said -
"Make salad, mom, ain't allowed cake!"


Yahoo News 3/4/08: Children in a New Zealand school have been banned from bringing cakes to share on their birthdays, due to new government healthy eating guidelines. Get the story here

Souvenir that Columbus brought back

When the great Columbus sailed the seas,
The New World he discovered with ease.
In his zest to explore,
He then bedded a whore,
And thus brought back venereal disease!


Yahoo News 15/01/08: New study blames Columbus for syphilis spread. Get the story here

The business of kissing

In the UK, researchers confirm,
That a handshake can help transfer germ.
At your next business meeting,
Ensure safe form of greeting -
Go on kiss all those cheeks - and don't squirm!

Daily Mail 13/01/08: Kisses instead of handshakes 'will help you to stay healthy'. Get the story here

The 6-pack secret

Yahoo News 23/10/07: A Maine researcher says standing on a vibrating platform for 15 minutes a day could help people achieve washboard abs. Get the story here

Now this definitely calls for a newsmerick. So here we go:

Are you seeking those washboard-like abs?
Well then here are some tips up for grabs.
On a platform stand straight
And then make it vibrate -
It has worked on the mice in our labs!

So what are you waiting for? Time to rock!

hip-py tales

"I'm prone to breast cancer," she sighed.
"What makes you so damned sure?" I pried.
"It's easy," she quips,
"Just look at mom's hips -
They're heavy and rounded and wide!"

The Hindu 09/10/07: Size of your mother's hips could raise your breast cancer risk, says a new study. Read about it here

Bitter medicine

Said the High Court to Ramadoss*, "Please,
Your AIIMS stand-off's like a disease,
Now stop being a louse,
Get over your grouse -
And do your job - sign those degrees!"

TOI 03/09/07: Delhi High Court asks Union Health Minister and AIIMS President, Anbumani Ramadoss to sign AIIMs degrees. Read more about it here & here

*Ramadoss (Ram-a-doss)

A stricken heart

Thus spake Jack, to his Jill, with a sigh:
"Time has come when we must say goodbye.
It's not your dad's gun,
That killed our love, hon,
But my heart - it grows weak - I could die!"


Does falling in love damage your health? Get the story here

Bull-(be)headed

"Our Shambo the bull, is a God."
The Hindu, he said with a nod.
"So I find this prognosis
Of his tuberculosis,
A sacrilege, trifle too odd!"

Guardian 26/07/07: The long battle to save Shambo the temple bullock in the UK, ended when he was taken away for slaughter. Get the story here

It's all because of friends

So you think I'm too rotund? Oh please!
With my weight, you may be ill at ease,
But my friend, you're to blame,
For my overweight frame -
It's a 'socially contagious' disease!

Yahoo news 25/07/07: If your friends and family get fat, chances are you will too, researchers report in a startling new study that suggests obesity is "socially contagious" and can spread easily from person to person. Get the story here

Of condoms and safety

Only yesterday I heard this yarn,
Of a pair that had sex in the barn.
Their lusty affair,
Soon turned to nightmare.
When she chewed up his dick like a paan!

Yahoo news 17/07/07: An Indian firm has launched a paan-flavoured condom designed to evoke the pungent taste of the betel nut and tobacco concoction chewed and then spat out by millions of South Asians, newspapers reported on Tuesday. Get the story here

:P

Weighing scale woes!

An overweight woman cried, "Please,
My weight gain has robbed my mind's peace.
I try hard, no matter,
I keep getting fatter -
Now they tell me I need stress release!"


Today's story: Worrying about being fat may make you even fatter!

Could smallpox be back?

I wonder if we should have waited,
Before declaring it eradicated?
For there's a fresh spurt,
Warns the State health alert,
Of smallpox (or something related)!

Indian Express, Kolkata Newsline 01/06/07: The state government has issued a smallpox alert throughout West Bengal after receiving preliminary unconfirmed reports of the disease from areas bordering Bangladesh and Myanmar. Get the story here

Viagra: lifting spirits

Has traveling long hours left you miffed?
Does your body feel jet-lagged, adrift?
Groggy and weary?
Well cheer up my dearie,
Here comes Viagra to give you a lift!

The male impotence drug Viagra may aid jet-lagged travellers, say Argentine researchers. Read about it here

Damn those diets!

There once lived a man who was round
Who was glad to hear diets were unsound
He claimed it was fate
That whatever he ate
Tended to pack in the pound!


Guardian 10/04/07: Diets don't work in long term, says survey

As clear as water, or is it?

Do we really know if there's a gap
Between water from a bottle and a tap?
Or could it be a hype,
When water from a pipe,
Is bottled and sealed with a cap?

Is bottled water really better than tap? Find out here.
Well, America has doubts...how about in India?

A food lover's angst

It was fast food that first took the heat
Then soon came the turn of red meat
Now they are finding fault
With Chinese -'high on salt'
Pray tell me sirs, what's left to eat?

:D

Needed desperately - a nurse

The old mayor pulled out his purse,
"Cash prize," he said, "I'll disburse,
If the woman you wed
(May she be good in bed)
Has the training to work as a nurse!"

Reuters 21/03/07: The mayor of a remote Bulgarian village has offered to pay 1000 levs ($680) to the first bachelor to marry a nurse who can bring some much-needed overnight medical expertise to his home town in the mountains. Read on.

It is nap time folks!

An angry boss, in major flap
Just fired his junior, poor chap
For being so bold
As to put work on hold
And taking the time out for a nap!


USA Today:Wake up to nap time. Read more

Weight-watch

"I'm helpless," a mother expounds,
"His love for junk food knows no bounds."
The result of his diet
Has clearly been a riot
For at 8years he's 200pounds!

(photo courtesy BBC)

Guardian Unlimited 28/02/07: A morbidly obese boy of eight was allowed to stay with his family yesterday, after a three-hour child protection conference repeatedly warned his mother about the diet she had allowed him to follow. Read more about it here

You've got mail? We've got a cure!

Dear folks, this is fact and not fiction
There’s help at hand for your affliction
This 12-step cure
Promises for sure
To help you dump E-mail addiction!

Yahoo News 20/2/07: Twelve-step program aims to cure e-mail addiction. Read on.